Confident Rider Tip – Managing the ‘What If’s’

Whether you’re suffering from ‘show nerves’ or are afraid to ride at all, you may have been told by your friends, your coach, or even said to yourself – “It’s just in your head”.  

"Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed." Michael Pritchard

It’s true that fear exists in our brains.  There’s a perfectly natural and instinctive program that starts automatically when our brains believe we are in danger.  It’s meant to keep us safe and prevent us from doing things that could cause us physical harm.  The problem is that when it interferes with your enjoyment of riding or showing, then fear is no longer your friend.  

Your brain can’t tell the difference between a real or an imagined danger.  So, when we ‘think’ we might be hurt in some way, that fear alarm is triggered.  The perceived ‘hurt’ might be potential physical injury or emotional (i.e. embarrassment, judgment, etc.)

The good news is that you can take control and manage that fear – whether it’s a mild feeling of stress, a stronger anxiety or an out right shaking in your boots fear.  

You solve any problem at the root of it.  And, the root of the fear is in your head – your thoughts.  When fear controls your thoughts, you go into that negative spiral of the ‘what if’s’.  You ‘think’ that whatever you are about to do is not going to end well.    Riding becomes miserable instead of fun.

The good news is that you can influence your thoughts to build your confidence.  To control those show nerves. To have fun riding your horse.

Change your thoughts and you change how you feel.

Simple advice.  But most people struggle with it.  Take these 3 steps to do it successfully.

Step #1 – Be aware of what you are thinking and saying.  You have about 50,000 thoughts every day!  And you’re unaware of most of them.   As you go through your day, notice how often you use dis-empowering, negative phrases.

Perhaps some of these phrases sound familiar.

  1. “I don’t know what to do!”
  2.  “I’m stuck.”
  3. “This won’t work.”
  4. “This is too much for me.”
  5. “I’ll never get this.”

Notice the emotions you have when you are talking to yourself and to others.

Step #2 – Write down your thoughts.    Keep a journal (on paper or digitally) where you record your negative thoughts.  Write them down as soon as they happen (or as soon afterwards as you can) so that you can record them as accurately as possible.    Note what was going through your mind and what you were doing at that moment.   Also notice the emotions you were feeling.  What came first, the thought or the feeling?

You may find writing down negative thoughts and feelings is difficult.  You may prefer not to face them, feel afraid or even think they are stupid.  But, ignoring the negative thoughts and feelings won’t make them disappear – it just makes them stronger.  You’ll deal with them in the next step.

Step #3 – Flip those negative thoughts on their heads. Once you’ve recorded and become aware of your most common negative thoughts then you can re-write them into empowering phrases that build your confidence.   By changing a negative to a positive statement or question, you give your sub-conscious mind a problem to solve.  It loves solving problems.  So, it will go to work figuring out an answer.  You will move forward.  It will work. You will be able to handle it.  And you will get it.

Here are 5 more examples of confidence-breaking phrases and their confidence building alternatives:

“I’m afraid my horse will spook”  becomes  “I admit that I have a fear my horse will spook. What help can I get to work through this?”

“I hope I don’t fall apart in the show”  becomes “I have prepared myself and my horse well for this show.  We will do our best.”

“I can’t do what my coach wants me to do”  becomes “There’s something I’m not getting yet. I can ask for more help and I can practice more. I know I will get it eventually.”

“I’ll never get these transitions right” becomes “We’ve only been working on these movements  for a short time.  It takes time to get them consistently.”

 “I can’t afford riding lessons or training” becomes “This is something that’s really important to me.  I need xx dollars.  I just need to figure out a way to make that extra money.”

Taking these 3 steps may seem difficult at first.  But the more often you do it, the more natural it becomes.  Practice changing your thoughts to evoke positive emotions and your confidence will grow. 

Share your ‘what if’ and the positive alternative below.  Can’t think of a positive alternative? Post your negative thought & I’ll help you out.


Want more tips on Winning the Mental Game?  Join me on January 8, 2014 at 7pm EST for a free online video training – Confidence with Horses – 3 Actions To Take Now to Be More Confident in the New Year!  To register,  click here.


Free Shipping when you order my paperback book, Confident Rider Confident Horse, from Lulu.com by January 17th.  Use the code SHIPSHAPE14


 
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You’re welcome to use this article in your newsletter or blog as long as you notify me and include my credit information: ~ Written by Anne Gage, Confident Horsemanship (www.annegage.com).  
 
Anne Gage ~ Confident Horsemanship – Putting you and your horse in good hands.
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Confident Horsemanship – Welcoming a New Year

As we leave 2013 behind and enter a new year, I thought it appropriate to share my most popular blog post from the past year.

2014 Happy New Year

Confident Rider Tips – 7 Tips to Help Improve Your Riding by Improving Your Mindset.

I’ll be offering a free webinar in early January on the same topic.  To make sure you

receive details about this special event, join my mailing list by clicking here.

Wishing you all the best for the new year.  Enjoy your journey.

Enjoy your journey.

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My book is now available on Amazon.com! “Confident Rider, Confident Horse: Build Your Confidence While Improving Your Partnership with Your Horse from the Ground to the Saddle”.  Click here to order.

Let’s spread the word about a better way to work with horses.  Share this blog with 3 friends, send a Tweet or post a link on your Facebook page.  The horses thank you.Interested in organizing a clinic at your location? Click here for more information.

You’re welcome to use this article in your newsletter or blog as long as you notify me and include my credit information: ~ Written by Anne Gage, Confident Horsemanship (www.annegage.com).  

Anne Gage ~ Confident Horsemanship – Putting you and your horse in good hands.

www.annegage.com
www.facebook.com/ConfidentHorsemanshp
Facebook Group – Horseback Riding Solutions with Anne Gage
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Psst … There’s a Secret to Building Your Confidence with Horses (and Riding)

When I tell people that a few years ago I lost my confidence for riding, they usually have 2 reactions.  First, they are surprised to find out how scared I was (shaking in my riding boots scared).  Second, they want to know “If you were so scared, how did you get to be so confident now?”

Desire for successI won’t lie – it took a lot of work and it didn’t happen over night.  But, here’s the secret … the main reason I was able to regain my confidence was because my ‘why’ was stronger than my fear.  If I didn’t regain my confidence, I would have had to give up doing what I love best and find another way to make a living. 

I love teaching other horse lovers how to get the best out of themselves and out of their horses.  I love seeing them develop confidence, improve their skills and build better partnerships with their horses.  I love seeing the positive transformation of the human and the horse – together.

It takes desire, dedication and determination – and a lot of work –  to regain your confidence.  It takes courage to take even baby steps forward when you are ‘shaking in your riding boots scared’.  The more clear you are about WHY you want to be with or ride horses the more motivated you will be to do the work.

What’s your why?  It’s that one specific reason you want to be with or ride horses (or a particular horse).  Your ‘why’ might be so that you can enjoy spending time supporting your horse loving child or partner without feeling stressed or anxious. It might be that you want to be able to enjoy a trail ride in the woods or along the beach with your best friend.  Or maybe it’s because you want to be able to do your best in the show ring.

Whatever your why is bring it to life.  Write about it in your journal, create a collage about it or visualize it.  Be as detailed as you can possibly be using all five senses.  What do you feel?  What do you smell?  What do you hear? What do you see?  What will you gain?  How will your life better?  At least once a day read what you’ve written, look at your collage or run through your visualization like you’re watching a movie.

Keeping your ‘why’ in the forefront of your mind will give you the courage to push through the difficult times.  Those times when you just want to quit because it seems to overwhelming.  Those times when you don’t feel like you’re making any progress.

And, remember to recognize and congratulate yourself for the baby steps you make.  Any forward movement is good – it’s movement in the right direction.

You’ll get there – one (baby) step at a time.  I know you can.  Because I’ve been where you are and I did it.

Your Turn – What is your ‘why’ for wanting to be with or ride horses?  Share your thoughts in the comments below – you might inspire someone else.  

Share this post to spread the word about a better way to work with horses.  Enjoy your journey!

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There are lots more practical and in depth tips on improving your Confidence and your Partnership with your horse in my book “Confident Rider, Confident Horse: Build Your Confidence While Improving Your Partnership with Your Horse from the Ground to the Saddle”.   NOW AVAILABLE on Amazon.com!

 Interested in organizing a Confident Horsemanship clinic at your location? Click here for more information.

You’re welcome to use this article in your newsletter or blog as long as you notify me and include my credit information: ~ Written by Anne Gage, Confident Horsemanship (www.annegage.com).  

Click here to grab your FREE REPORT “The 3 Most Important Secrets You Need to Know to Develop Confidence with Horses”

Brought to you by Anne Gage ~ Confident Horsemanship – Putting you and your horse in good hands.   www.AnneGage.com

Horse Training: Handling Your Horse Safely in Spooky Situations

Keep Calm and Carry On

Keep Calm and Carry On

It’s a bit delayed, but seasonal fall weather has finally arrived where I live in Southern Ontario.  One day it felt like summer and the next day it was definitely fall.  These sudden changes in weather, drops in the barometric pressure and, of course, winds can affect the behaviour of some horses.  Just leading your horse to or from the paddock or barn can be nerve wracking.

There are 3 common mistakes people make when their horses become anxious or spooky.

Mistake #1 – Anticipating that your horse will behave badly and becoming tense as a result.  Of course, we all want to be safe when we are around our horses.  They are, after all, very large, powerful animals that can hurt us without intending to.  But, as a herd animal who is very sensitive to body language, when you get tense, your horse picks up on that and his tension increases.

What to do instead – Recognize that there is the potential for your horse to be anxious and take steps to calm yourself before you take your horse out of the paddock or barn.  Breathing in calm, deep, slow breaths is the best way to calm your flow of adrenaline and release tension from your body.  It also helps you stay mentally in the moment.

Mistake #2 – Holding on tightly to or shortening up on the lead rope or reins.  It’s human nature to want to stop the horse’s movement.  Notice how often you are telling your horse to ‘stop it’ or ‘whoa’.  As a flight animal, feeling that his ability to move away from perceived danger adds to his tension and stress level.

What to do instead – Send your horse away from you and, if you have the room, in a circle around you.  This requires giving him some more rope and that you aren’t holding your lead rope or reins tightly under his chin. Keeping him out of your space means he won’t be running over top of you if he panics.  Sending him away addresses his need to move which helps him feel less stress.

Mistake #3 – Getting in your horse’s ace.  This happens in 2 ways.  The first happens when you jerk or pull on the lead rope or bridle.  The second happens when you turn to face your horse ‘head’ on.  Both reactions also comes from our human nature to stop the horse’s movement.  The horse’s response is to feel more stress as he feels threatened and typically throws his head up resulting in increased adrenaline release.

What to do instead – At the first sign that your horse is stressed, take a steady, supple contact on the lead rope or reins.  With a gentle, rocking downwards pressure ask your horse to lower his head.  If he tries to raise his head, use blocking resistance.  Do not try to pull or force his head down.  If he’s too stressed to lower his head or pushes through your blocking resistance, then put some space between you (see previous point).  Lowering his head helps to bring down the level of adrenaline so that his stress level does not escalate.

If you slow down, breath and calm your mind, then you will be able to stay in the moment and be pro-active rather than reactive.  Your body language will communicate more calmness to your horse and help to decrease his anxiety.

Your Turn

Does the weather affect your horse?  Sharing your experiences or questions is simple.  Just leave a comment or share your thoughts below or through Facebook, LinkedIn or Twitter.

Share this post to spread the word about a better way to work with horses.  Enjoy your journey!

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For more practical and in depth tips on improving your Confidence and your Partnership with your horse, order my book “Confident Rider, Confident Horse: Build Your Confidence While Improving Your Partnership with Your Horse from the Ground to the Saddle”.  Click here to order from Lulu.com.
 
My paperback book is NOW AVAILABLE on Amazon.com!

 

Interested in organizing a Confident Horsemanship clinic at your location? Click here for more information.

You’re welcome to use this article in your newsletter or blog as long as you notify me and include my credit information: ~ Written by Anne Gage, Confident Horsemanship (www.annegage.com).  

Confident Horsemanship with Anne Gage – Putting you and your horse in good hands.

5 Things You Must Do if Your Horse is Behaving Badly and You’re Losing Your Confidence

Aside

I recently received an email from a young woman confused by her horse’s sudden change approaching jump smin behaviour.  She and her mare have been together for 3 years.  The first year, they showed in hunter, jumper and eventing competitions.  The mare was “a double clear, point and shoot, honest horse” and they worked well together.  Then the mare was off for a year with a foot injury.  When she started training again, the mare was going well and they began jumping higher fences.  All was going well until the rider was thrown at a fence during a show.

“I got back on did the next round which went okay. Then in the final jumper round, she threw me again at the last fence and by then I was just confused. I didnt know, and still don`t know what happened to our connection and our ability to work as a team over the courses. Since then she has thrown me 5 times, and we always have refusals during our jumping lessons and shows.”

Now the young woman doesn’t know what to expect when she’s jumping her mare. She’s tired of falling off and has become afraid of jumping – something she hasn’t experienced before. As she says

“the nerves and anxiety take over.”

When a horse’s performance changes for the worse, you need to do some detective work to get to the root cause of the problem.  Only when you know what the cause is can you apply the appropriate solution.

Horses are creatures of habit and only change their behaviour when something is getting in the way.  Following these tips can help you find the cause and the best solution to your horse’s performance problem.

1.  Check for a physical problem.   Horses can be sore without showing lameness or other noticeable signs.  It’s natural for them as prey animals to hide any sign of weakness which would make them a more appealing target for predators.  So horses can be very good at hiding muscle soreness or chiropractic misalignment.  It is possible that she has some lingering muscle soreness or a misalignment from when she had the foot problem.  You may have experienced this yourself that when one part of the body is sore, other parts take on extra work and can get sore.  Have an equine massage therapist or chiropractor (or both) give your horse a thorough examination.  They can find and relieve some physical problems that you or your veterinarian may have missed.

2.  Check saddle fit.  Horses’ muscle development can change with age and the amount and type of work they are doing.  Saddles also change with wear.  The stuffing can pack or break down and wrinkles can develop in the leather causing pressure points.  Since this mare had a year off from any work, her shape will be much different than when she was in regular work. Check the condition of your saddle and how well it fits your horse.  Here’s a link to some good videos about how to check saddle fit.  http://www.schleese.com/9PointChecklist.  A good saddle fitter can also help with the assessment and may even be able to make adjustments to your saddle so that it fits your horse better.

3.  Go Back to Basics with Your Horse. Training problems can also happen because the horse is moved along more quickly than she is physically or mentally ready to handle. Go back to the work your horse can comfortably perform and bring her along more slowly.  A good place to start is with flat work that helps strengthen her hindquarters and back – both necessary for jumping higher fences.   Then rebuild her confidence by working over poles, cavalletti and smaller jumps.

4.  Go Back to Basics with Your Riding.  Suppleness and balance are both very important components of good riding.  Suppleness is replaced with tension when riders lose their confidence.  The riders’ balance may be thrown off if they progress too quickly without having a solid independent seat.  Rider tension and imbalance impact the horse’s ability to perform well. Focusing on improving your seat and hands improves your softness, suppleness and balance in the saddle – which makes you a better partner for your horse.

5. Enlist your coach’s help.  Have a very honest conversation with your coach about how you are feeling.  Work with him or her to go back to a level of riding where both you and your horse are comfortable so that you can ride without tension, improve your seat and your riding position and your horse can develop the strength and suppleness for the work you want her to do.  As you rebuild  your confidence, your horse’s confidence and fill in any gaps in your riding foundation, you and your horse will become better partners for each other.

The most important thing to remember is that your horse’s behaviour is her communication.  When she has been performing consistently well and then suddenly changes, there is something getting in her way.  Figure out what the cause is and then you can work on the most beneficial solution.

I would love to hear what the greatest challenge is that you are facing with your horse right now?  What challenges have you faced and overcome?  Share in the comments below.

If you want to work with me live and in person to learn more strategies and techniques for increasing your confidence, improving your horse’s behaviour and building a stronger partnership with your horse, visit my website or contact me about hosting a clinic or workshop at your location.

Enjoy your journey.

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My book is now available! “Confident Rider, Confident Horse: Build Your Confidence While Improving Your Partnership with Your Horse from the Ground to the Saddle”.  Click here to order.

Interested in organizing a clinic at your location? Click here for more information.

Let’s spread the word about a better way to work with horses.  Share this blog with 3 friends, send a Tweet or post a link on your Facebook page.  The horses thank you.

You’re welcome to use this article in your newsletter or blog as long as you include my credit information: ~ Written by Anne Gage, Confident Horsemanship (www.annegage.com).  

I would also appreciate it if you’d send me a copy for my media files.

Anne Gage ~ Confident Horsemanship

www.annegage.com
www.facebook.com/ConfidentHorsemanshp
Facebook Group – Horseback Riding Solutions with Anne Gage
www.twitter.com/AnneGage

Confident Rider Tip #2 – Decreasing Uncertainty Builds Confidence

Aside

Most of us don’t like uncertainty.  Uncertainty makes us nervous – even frightened.  When you work with horses there is often uncertainty involved.  That uncertainty may be because you don’t know how something will turn out.

It may be about not knowing how your horse is going to behave in certain situations.  Will he let you catch him today? Will he spook in that corner of the arena?  Will he spook ‘at nothing’?   Will he be calm on the trail today?  What will he do when we go to the show?

Uncertainty is uncomfortable because it triggers the fight or flight centre of your brain causing fear, anxiety and even temporary mental or physical paralysis.  These reactions worked well for our prehistoric ancestors who had to be wary of dangers that threatened their lives every day.  I can only imagine what it would be like to come face to face with a sabre tooth tiger or a meat eating dinosaur.

But these reactions aren’t so great when they interfere with the pleasure of the activities you want to share with your horse.  You miss out on so many possibilities and amazing experiences.  You lose the magic of true connection and partnership.

You may have looked at other riders who never seem to be afraid and wondered if some people are born with a genetic predisposition that allows their brains to not go to that place.  There may be a very small number of people who do seem to have these genes.  They don’t seem to be triggered into fear as easily as the rest of us.  But that is a tiny, tiny part of the population.  For most of part, people are not born that way.

What most of us (including me) have to do is develop skills and practices that help us to take positive action in the face of uncertainty – despite the fear and anxiety that we feel.

That doesn’t mean that we don’t have it.  We simply learn to manage it.   People who are able to move through their uncertainty are able to take forward action because they turn that uncertainty into curiousity and creative thinking.  They ask better questions and are able to solve problems.

Horses don’t behave randomly.  There is always a reason for what they do.  It may be a learned response that needs to be “un-learned”.  It may be a natural response to a noise we don’t hear or a movement we don’t see.  It may even be a response to a subtle shift in your energy, your position in the saddle or posture on the ground.

When you become curious about your horse’s behaviour, you gain a better understanding of him and of his perception of the world.  You begin to see with certainty what causes his behaviour and then you can take actions to change it.  You can be pro-active instead of reactive.

So how do you become curious and ask better questions?  You start by staying in the moment.  That means you stop creating stories about what is going to happen.  You know that future thinking you do where you predict what is going to happen before it happens.  Things like – “he’s going to spook in that corner and he’ll bolt and then I’ll fall off and break something and end up laid up for weeks. OMG – I won’t be able to work or look after the kids.  …..”   STOP!

But, if you became curious and creative about the same situation your thinking would be more like this – “I know he doesn’t like that corner.  I wonder how I can help him deal with it better?  I could hand walk him around the arena until we both feel calm.  I need to remember to breathe and keep the tension out of my body.  I could lunge him in that corner.  I could ask my coach (or another competent rider) to ride him so I can see how they handle it and if he gets tense with them or maybe it’s my tension affecting him.  Maybe we just have a pattern about getting tense in that corner.  ….”

Did you notice how your body felt as your read those 2 different examples?  If not, read them again and pay attention to any physical reactions.

When you give your brain a problem to solve, that’s what it focuses on.  It can’t focus on 2 thoughts at the same time.  And your brain doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what you are making up.  So, when you focus on asking better questions your brain focuses on finding the answers and it cannot focus on anything else.  And, as you focus on solving the problem, your uncertainty decreases and you are able to take forward moving actions.

The more you do that, the more your confidence increases.

So, start asking better questions. Then share your results in the comments below.

If you want to work with me live and in person to learn more strategies and techniques for increasing your confidence, improving your horse’s behaviour and building a stronger partnership with your horse, visit my website or contact me about hosting a clinic or workshop at your location.

Enjoy your journey.

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My book is now available! “Confident Rider, Confident Horse: Build Your Confidence While Improving Your Partnership with Your Horse from the Ground to the Saddle”.  Click here to order.

Interested in organizing a clinic at your location? Click here for more information.

Let’s spread the word about a better way to work with horses.  Share this blog with 3 friends, send a Tweet or post a link on your Facebook page.  The horses thank you.

You’re welcome to use this article in your newsletter or blog as long as you include my credit information: ~ Written by Anne Gage, Confident Horsemanship (www.annegage.com).  

I would also appreciate it if you’d send me a copy for my media files.

Anne Gage ~ Confident Horsemanship

www.annegage.com
www.facebook.com/ConfidentHorsemanshp
Facebook Group – Horseback Riding Solutions with Anne Gage
www.twitter.com/AnneGage

Confident Rider #1 Tip ~ Breathe

The following post is an excerpt from my book ‘Confident Rider Confident Horse’:

“Breathe with Calm Focused Breath

I teach this technique to all of my students – and I use it myself.  When you’re stressed, anxious, or fearful, you breathe with short, shallow breaths, without any rhythm, and often even hold your breath.  This keeps those stress hormones (adrenaline and cortisol) going through your body.  This is what makes you feel nauseous, shake and sweat.  Your heart pounds and your body tenses.  Your head aches. You go “fetal” – tipping forward in the saddle. None of these symptoms of stress are fun – for you or for your horse.  Horses are incrediblyTip 1 Breath sensitive to the body language and energy of the people around them.  They even mirror your breathing.  This is why your stress and tension can affect how your horse feels.  As soon as you recognize the first symptom of fear, changing your breathing is the fastest way to help you to feel more calm and confident. Try this breathing exercise:

  • Sit in a chair with your feet flat on the ground, your back straight and your chest open.  Let your hands rest gently on your lap.
  • Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth
  • Put one hand on your belly (at your navel) and the other hand on your chest
  • Focus on your breath
  • Count to 5 slowly as you inhale and feel your belly expand and then your chest lift slightly
  • Hold your breath for a count of 3
  • Exhale slowly for a count of 5.  Feel your chest drop and your belly deflate moving back towards your spine.
  • Your heart may pump a bit more to start with as it adjusts to the new way you are breathing.  It will soon pass and you will feel more calm and relaxed.
  • Repeat several more times – inhaling for a count of 5, holding for 3, exhaling for a count of 5 – feeling the movement your belly out as in inhale and in as you exhale.
  • Practice this new way of breathing as often as you can throughout your day.  Anytime you feel stressed or anxious, take a few slow, CALM FOCUSED BREATHS and notice how quickly you calm down.
  • The more you practice, the more natural it will feel.

This way of breathing allows your mind to slow down and relax. When you are in a relaxed state you’re better able to see things as they really are because you’re not experiencing the cluttered thinking caused by your emotions. With practice, you’ll be able to calm your mind using your calm focused breathing exercise any time. This practice allows you to respond to stressful events with a level head, and you’ll find that your emotions are less in control of you.  The next time you feel anxiety or fear creeping into your mind, remember that you have a choice.  You can react from your emotions and complicate the situation or you can respond in a way that encourages you and your horse to feel more calm and confident. With calm focused breathing, and the relaxation it brings, you’re always only a few short minutes away from the stress relief you crave. Instead of reacting negatively when you feel anxious or afraid, you’ll look for solutions and feel more confident.  The choice is always yours. In the meantime, take a few minutes today to practice your calm focused breath, clear your mind of its worries, and relax. Do the same tomorrow and the next day. Like physical exercise, the benefits of this breathing exercise are accumulative. The more you practice, the more benefits you’ll receive and the better you’ll become at staying calm and building your confidence.”

Adjusting your breathing can also help improve your performance – even when you aren’t feeling nervous.  The authors of the book, Perfect Breathing: Transform Your Life One Breath at a Time, interviewed people who push their bodies to the limits – professional athletes, dancers, fighter pilots, archers, astronauts, etc.   All of them use breathing techniques to focus their minds, keep their emotions under control and to get every ounce of performance from their bodies. 

Try the Calm, Focused Breath exercise and then share your experiences in the comments below.  Also, share any other breathing techniques you have found to be helpful in keeping you focused and calm, and enhancing your performance.

Enjoy the journey.

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My book is now available! “Confident Rider, Confident Horse: Build Your Confidence While Improving Your Partnership with Your Horse from the Ground to the Saddle”.  Click here to order.

Interested in organizing a clinic at your location? Click here for more information.

Let’s spread the word about a better way to work with horses.  Share this blog with 3 friends, send a Tweet or post a link on your Facebook page.  The horses thank you.

You’re welcome to use this article in your newsletter or blog as long as you include my credit information: ~ Written by Anne Gage, Confident Horsemanship (www.annegage.com).  

I would also appreciate it if you’d send me a copy for my media files.

Anne Gage ~ Confident Horsemanship

www.annegage.com
www.facebook.com/ConfidentHorsemanshp
Facebook Group – Horseback Riding Solutions with Anne Gage
www.twitter.com/AnneGage

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Overcome Your Fears By Becoming More Curious

I believe a great tool for overcoming fear is developing more curiousity.   When you get stuck in fear, you create barriers that fill you with anxiety and prevent you from moving forward, from learning and from growing.  You stay stuck in the same place or on the same path.  Fear closes you down.

Curiousity, on the other hand, opens you up.  You are filled with anticipation and excitement.  You ask questions.  You learn and you grow.  You try different paths.  It becomes an adventure.

Your emotions come from the things that you focus your mind on.  Allow your mind to focus on negative thoughts and to create stories about possible negative outcomes and you feel fearful.  Give your mind something else to focus on and you change your emotions.

For example, you can focus on the ‘what if’s’ of a certain situation.  What if my horse bucks

Rearing Horse

Fear says “Oh no! I’m going to get hurt!’
Curiousity says “What caused him to behave this way? How can I make him feel calmer? What does he need from me?”++–

or bolts or rears or kicks me?  Your mind will try to protect you by warning you not to put yourself in danger.  It will create the worst case scenario – if you let it.  But if you ask a question like ‘how can I’, you change your mind’s focus. You’ve given it a problem to solve in a more positive way.  Your mind wants to give you answers – that’s its whole purpose.

So, try this.  What is the ‘what if’ question that your mind usually asks when your fear is triggered?  Write it down and then write down all the things that flow through your mind.  Don’t censor yourself.  Just let it flow and get it all down on paper (or your favourite electronic device if you prefer).  Keep writing until there is nothing left to say.  Notice how you feel while you are doing this exercise.

Now, ask yourself a question about ‘how can I ….?’  For example, how can I make sure my horse isn’t going to buck?   Write it down.  You might have to sit with this for a while.  Be patient.  If anything comes to mind, write it down.  If your mind tries to go back to ‘what if’ just calmly tell it to stop and focus on ‘how can I’.   Don’t be discouraged if you don’t get an answer write away.  Carry on with your day.  You’ll probably get an answer when you’re not thinking about it.  Write it down whenever it comes to you.  Notice how you feel when you are focusing on the question and when you get an answer.

When I was working through my own fear issues, I became more curious about my horse’s body language – were there any subtle cues he was giving that I might have been missing.  I paid closer attention and developed more awareness.  I became more curious about what was happening in my mind and body when my fear was triggered.  I became more curious about what triggered my fears.  I kept peeling away layers, learning and growing.  I developed skills to help manage my fear.

What would happen if you replaced fear with curiousity?  I encourage you to share your thoughts in the comments below.

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Watch for my book coming soon – “Confident Rider, Confident Horse: Build Your Confidence While Improving Your Partnership with Your Horse from the Ground to the Saddle”

Interested in organizing a clinic at your location? Click here for more information.

Let’s spread the word about a better way to work with horses.  Share this blog with 3 friends, send a Tweet or post a link on your Facebook page.  The horses thank you.

You’re welcome to use this article in your newsletter or blog as long as you include my credit information: ~ Written by Anne Gage, Confident Horsemanship (www.annegage.com).  

I would also appreciate it if you’d send me a copy for my media files.

Anne Gage ~ Confident Horsemanship

www.annegage.com
www.facebook.com/ConfidentHorsemanshp
Facebook Group – Horseback Riding Solutions with Anne Gage
www.twitter.com/AnneGage

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Not Your Average Horse Back Riding Trainer

Teaching positionI guess I’m not  your average riding instructor or horse trainer.  Apparently, I do things a bit differently.

Here’s an excerpt of an email I just received from one of my students:

“It’s been my experience that instructors seem to have set ideas of what they want to see you do in a lesson, regardless of what’s going on with the horse or the rider. On Saturday, I saw you bring out the lunge line to the arena for warm up but I think when you saw how I was playing with the in hand you just picked up things from there.

There were times when you gave me instructions but the situation would change due to the horse or me and then we would just adapt the lesson to the new situation rather than trying to force the old one.

I realized how it’s built my trust and confidence in you.

I now feel the freedom to change my intent and adapt to what the horse is doing rather than sticking to my own agenda.

I would never have done that in a lesson before because I would be afraid that the instructor would get mad at me for not doing what I was supposed to.”

This got me thinking about how I teach people.  It’s really the same as how I work with horses – which makes sense because when I’m teaching a person, the horse IS part of the equation.  It has to be.  I can’t – really, I won’t –  ignore the horse’s needs over the human’s needs.   And, at the same time, I give the student want she needs to become a better horseperson as well as a better rider.

Yes, I want the the student (horse and human) to learn something in each lesson.  But, what I  may ‘want’ them to learn cannot overshadow what they may ‘need’ to learn.   I may have planned on working on canter transitions with a horse but then see that the horse needs to work on lengthening and stretching that day.   It can be the exactly the same for a human student who arrives at the barn stressed and tense from work or family ‘stuff’.

I bow to you.

I bow to you.

There is no point in taking the horse or the person to a place they are not ready to go.  I don’t ‘make’ horses or people do anything.  I work with them from where they are so that they feel

better by the end of the session than they did at the beginning.  The lesson they learn may not be the one I intended, but they will have learned regardless.

Sometimes the lesson will have been about riding; sometimes, about the horse;  sometimes, about themselves.

A heartfelt “thank you” to my students – human and horse – that allow me to teach them and also become my teachers.  Namaste.

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Watch for my book coming soon – “Confident Rider, Confident Horse: Build Your Confidence While Improving Your Partnership with Your Horse from the Ground to the Saddle”

Interested in organizing a clinic at your location? Click here for more information.

Let’s spread the word about a better way to work with horses.  Share this blog with 3 friends, send a Tweet or post a link on your Facebook page.  The horses thank you.

You’re welcome to use this article in your newsletter or blog as long as you include my credit information: ~ Written by Anne Gage, Confident Horsemanship (www.annegage.com).  

I would also appreciate it if you’d send me a copy for my media files.

Anne Gage ~ Confident Horsemanship

www.annegage.com
www.facebook.com/ConfidentHorsemanshp
Facebook Group – Horseback Riding Solutions with Anne Gage
www.twitter.com/AnneGage
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Shhh … It's a Secret!

“Why aren’t we allowed to talk about our fear?” the women in our recent Women, Horses and Fear workshop asked. As the women shared their stories of fear, several common themes emerged – the physical symptoms of not being able to breathe, having “jelly legs”, and freezing up. But the most startling commonality was the feeling of being alone in their fear. Each woman was surprised to find that they were “not the only one” going through this experience. One woman (I’ll call her Mary), who does not currently have her own horse, is often offered horses to ride from friends and acquaintances. If she declines to ride a particular horse because she is not comfortable riding that horse, people have whispered that she is “afraid of horses”. “I’m not afraid of all horses,” Mary asserts, “I just want to trust the horse I am riding”.

My philosophy is that fear is not talked about because of the macho tradition of horse training and riding. Traditional training techniques require that the human is in control all the time and as much force as is necessary is used to ensure that control. When I was learning to ride, I was often reminded to not show any signs of fear around a horse as the horse would sense my fear and then be able to dominate me. I was also taught to never let the horse “win”. This means, of course, that there is a winner and loser every time a person is with the horse. It becomes a very competitive relationship rather than a cooperative one. So, I used to hide any fear behind anger. It was okay to be angry with my horse. It wasn’t okay to be afraid. Not the best way to establish a healthy relationship.

So, in the horse world we don’t feel comfortable talking about our fear. Instead we find ways to avoid riding – the weather’s too windy or too nice – we procrastinate, we just don’t have the time. And the more we avoid it, the more fear gains a strangle hold on us. Every woman in our workshop had a dream about the way their lives with horses would be. They had a passion about horses and, at one time, horses brought joy into their lives. As the fear grew, their passion and joy were taken away and were replaced by guilt, embarrassment and shame.

To live with any sense of safety and security, we allow ourselves to believe that we are in control. Then something happens to shatter that illusion. The dormant seeds of fear that rest within our psyche take root. With our thoughts, feelings and actions, we feed those seedlings and the vine that is fear takes a stronger hold. Unless a vine is cut back, it eventually covers and demolishes whatever it is growing over.

The big question in the workshop was, “How do I get over this fear? ” We get over our fear in the same way we get control of the over grown vine – by cutting it back. There are several steps to ‘pruning’ your fear:

1) Analyze & understand the origins of your fear

2) Look at the emotion objectively so you can intellectualize it

3) Develop a plan to counteract it

4) Implement that plan

6) Enlist a support system

Safety and security do not exist. The potential to be hurt physically and/or emotionally is always present. But, most of us do not focus every minute of conscious thinking on all of the possible dangers that exist or we would not be able to function. Fear serves to keep us safe from harm not take the joy out of our lives. If you are fearful around horses, you are not alone. You can get your fear under control is you are willing to make the choice and do the work.

Anne Gage –
The Confidence Coach
Helping horses & humans be better … together.
www.annegage.com
high.point.farm@gmail.com